Every Damn Day!

A while back I saw a guy at the gym with a Nike T-Shirt that said "Do It!" on the front and "Every Damn Day" on the back.  He is so right.

A few months ago I was following that mantra.  I was exercising 6 days a week.  I was following a sensible diet and lost a good chunk of weight.  I dropped a couple of sizes and was in the best shape of my adult life.  However, when I saw the wedding pictures I was disappointed in how I looked.  In my mind I was much thinner.  I do remind myself that it could have been so much worse.  What a scary thought.  It was my plan to lose another 25 lbs.

But, alas, I have failed.  After we came back from the wedding in June things got crazy, I got lazy (it is hard to exercise in Dallas in the summer, even if the gym claims to be air conditioned).  I slowly returned to my terrible, unbalanced eating habits.  I held my weight steady for a while, but it has started to creep back up.

So I have started again.  I am on day 2 of my diet.  I exercised yesterday, but I didn't make it today.  I woke up feeling crappy and I am afraid I'm getting the flu that is bouncing around the household.   I had planned on getting a walk in, but soccer practice, grocery shopping, and sticky floors got in the way. 

So why tell you all this?  Writing it down makes it more real.  It makes me accountable. 

Wish me luck.

Firestorm

My heart is heavy, so many things weighing it down. Perhaps if I write down some of my feelings, I will be able to make sense of things.  Although I think my sister Suzi is the only one who ever reads what I write.  I do find in therapeutic however, so I will indulge again. 

There has been much controversy the past couple of weeks over Elder Packer's talk in General Conference.  Scott and I were out of town that weekend, so we did not watch any live.  I have since read and re-read his talk, finding nothing new to be so fired up about, but fired up people are for sure.  My own Facebook has had a few references to this from family members that have caused some controversy and hurt feelings, and anger.  Matt started it all out with his status post stating he saw nothing wrong with being gay.  Amanda followed with a couple of things that caused some controversy also.  I am not sure why Matt felt the need to express this opinion, but express it he did.  This would not really mean a whole lot to most of the world, a man stating his opinion, one that is shared by many people.  However, Matt is not just any man.  He is my son; a brilliant, articulate, educated man who is not afraid of rustling any one's feathers.  He loves to argue, debate, dissect any topic.  The problem this time comes from the fact that many of his family were surprised  if not shocked by his statement.  It was not something they expected to hear a returned missionary, married in the temple, priesthood holder to say.  What many do not know is that Matt decided a year ago that he was leaving the church.  He describes himself as a "Happy Agnostic".  He has never asked us to conceal this, but neither has he made an effort to inform family.  I share this information not as retaliation but as explanation. I feel I owe this to those who might have been hurt or confused by his statements.

How do I feel about all this (the Gay issue)?  I am still sorting it out.  I have read many arguments from both sides through Facebook, news stories, and Blogs I follow.  I have read statements put out by the Church addressing this dust-up.  I feel sorry that Pres. Packer has received such cruel and vile comments.  His words were from the heart, and I feel, from the Lord.  My heart is troubled by all of this.

I also feel sorrow and compassion for those who struggle with this issue.  Are they to remain celebate for their entire lives?  I do not know what the answer is for them.  Theirs is a heavy cross to bear.  What would I do if I were in their shoes?  To difficult to ponder for my little brain.  My only personal experience with this is through the heartbreak of my sweet sister.  After 3 kids and 15 years of marriage her slime of a husband (yes I said SLIME) decided to "come out of the closet".  He had been breaking their marriage covenant for 10 years, putting her in at risk for contracting who knows what.  He destroyed any trust her children had in him and then he turned his back on them both emotionally and financially.  Gay or straight, no man should do that to his family.  So I have a bit of anger behind my feelings, as well as my belief in a Prophet of God that helps me to decide where I need to fall on this subject.

I will admit my testimony has been shaken of late.  It is very hard to have one of your children turn their back on everything you have taught them about God.  My faith has been shaken by the fact that after two years Scott is still unemployed.  We have always paid our tithes and offerings and have strived to serve in the Lord whenever asked.  Sometimes I feel we have been forgotten.  It is hard to deal with each disappointment as it comes along.  I do know know where Scott gets the will to keep going.  Most days I just want to hide in my bed.  We carry on, trying to do what we can.

I know that I have many blessings and should be counting them every day.  I am grateful for Wade and Erin for putting up with us this long.  I am grateful that we are not bankrupt.  I am grateful that my children are healthy.  I love my grandchildren and truly enjoy being with them each day. 

So I will end this pity-party now, go and watch Project Runway, and in the words of  Tim Gunn, "Make it work."

Julie

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my Mother's birthday. She died 12 years ago just before turning 70. Its hard to believe she would have been 82 today. How I wish she could have lived to that age.

My mother was an amazing woman. She could accomplish more before 10 am than I can in a week. By that time every day her house was clean, laundry done, and some kind of baked good would be in the works. Most people grew up with a cookie jar, we had a cookie drawer. It most always had fresh baked cookies waiting to be enjoyed. The afternoon might find her making a dress for one of her girls. I remember many times coming home from school with a new dress waiting, ready to have the hem measured. Perhaps she spent the afternoon visiting teaching some of the ladies in our ward--who usually lived right on our street. She may have been out tending the beautiful rose garden we had in the back yard, or chatting with Mrs. Bertolligo.

She lived a simple life. Family was the most important thing to her. Times were different then, she didn't live with her rear end in the seat of the car like I do. She never went to the McDonalds drive through for a Diet Coke. (Of course there was no McDonalds for miles around back then, but there was the Polar King.) Maybe if I stayed home as much as she did I would accomplish a fraction of what she did--but probably not. I have too many distractions...TV, Facebook, Blogs...that eat up my time in not very useful ways.

I will never be the kind of woman that my Mother was. I just hope that when I am gone, someone will think my time on this earth was worthwhile, her's certainly was.

Why Write?

I have often wondered if anyone would read anything I might write in a blog. I follow a few bloggers on a regular basis. My writing skills are terrible, I haven't taken an English class since 1973. Erin's blog is great, her life is full of fun happenings to write about. Her friends live interesting, global stories that I love to hear about. Amanda's photos are so fun to look at. She has become a great photographer--enough that I think I might like to take a photography class. I do however lack the proper equipment. My camera is "a piece of crap" as Erin put it, ans I don't know where the memory stick is. I did buy a nice Nikon Digital, but unfortunately it wasn't for me (you're welcome Tessa). Matt's stuff is interesting, but I admit I rarely make it all the way through his posts, they make my head hurt, too much looking up meanings of words. I read about the lives of other people in The Nie Nie Dialogues (if I knew how I would put a link for you), but nearly dying in a fiery plane crash is too big a price to have something interesting to share. Her sister CJane is a fun read, but I think that is because she is a great writer.

So, why should I write a blog. Maybe because I need a creative outlet? Maybe because I just need to count my blessings? I feel frustration in my life, stuck waiting for it to move on. Two years of job searching, putting my entire life into storage, and moving in with my daughter and son-in-law have been hard on me. They have been hard of Scott. They have been hard on our marriage. We don't need to talk about the financial part....

I am trying to use my talents. I have been busy exploring the idea of starting a business using my sewing skills. I have been busy making tote bags, purses, diaper bags, little zip-bags. I would post pictures, but alas, the camera issue. I plan on having Erin take a few pictures for me. Hopefully I will figure out how to post them. The problem is that in order to make them special, you have to use really great fabric which will probably make them too expensive to sell. However, it has been nice to create something that is lasting.

Well, enough ranting for now. Tessa's wedding pictures are fabulous, I have the complete disc now. I will figure out how to sort through the hundreds of shots and share some with you soon.

Julie

What the heck have we been up to?

It has been a while since I posted on my blog...like maybe 3 years. Much has happened since then. A few of the highlights...

Erin and Wade moved to London. We got to visit 3 times while they were there (well Julie 3 times, Scott only once). They added two precious boys to their family, Noah who is 3 (born before they left) and Luke almost 1 (born shortly after their return). After a couple of years in London they moved back to Texas into a great new house. Her blog is much more fun than mine: http://www.wadeanderin.blogspot.com/

Ryan moved to Portland for a new job. He is a buyer for a large bike parts distributor. He is still a comfirmed bachelor and collector of bicycles and all sorts of fun toys.

Matt graduated from BYU with his masters in Electical Engineering. He married Amanda in July of 2008 and moved to Houston to work on his Phd. at Rice University. He also ran and finished the Houston Marathon in January. Amanda is a super photographer. Check out her pictures on her blog http://www.namabanana.blogspot.com/

TJ is attending UVU, when he isn't out making $millions$. His band Parlor Hawk has a CD and are touring around this summer. Check them out on iTunes.

Tessa is living in Provo with her new husband Adam and faithful dog Bowie. They got married last month and had a great party to celebrate. Check out some of their pictures at http://www.jesslorraine.blogspot.com/




Scott moved on from Rockline and is consulting while figuring what he really wants to be when he grows up. We sold our home in Sheboygan and headed south to Dallas. We have been hanging out with Erin and Wade, enjoying spending time with our Grandchildren.







Jack joined Max in Doggie Heaven, and Rocky is living happily with friends and their zoo here in Texas.

Thats the past 3 years in a nutshell. Maybe it won't be so long until the next entry. Maybe I will even figure out how to post pictures!